On Autism, Parenting, and Life Experience

In the mid 1990s I was young adult and as time would show, I had many years between becoming a husband and a father. One of things I noticed around this time was the prevalence of parents to lead their children around on leashes. It was quite the common site back then although now you might go years without seeing it. At the tender age of my early twenties and not being a parent myself, I thought this practice to be barbaric on the one hand, and considered it a willful lack of proper parental guidance on the other. While today most people would probably agree with that, evidently they would not have at the time, or else there would not be so many people leashing their children.

I got married at 33 and had my first child one year later. Up until becoming a parent myself, I would scoff as many people do, when we witness a child behaving very badly in public. I would think to myself, although I never said such thing aloud, "Well you should take control of your child." Or maybe I would think something like "What a terrible father you are, your child is making a scene and you can't stop him." And in many or perhaps most instances when you encounter such a situation, your mental comment is most likely warranted. Ahhh but for the cruel hand of fate, or properly defined in my case, "Your child has Mild Classic Autism."

And should you never have had the experience to encounter a child with Autism whether it be your child, a family member, or maybe a family friend, you will never be truly able to contemplate the stress and strain of those of us who deal with this condition on an minute, hourly, monthly, yearly, and lifetime basis. I certainly had no idea of what it was like before I got to know my daughter.

Autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning that it is defined by a level of dysfunction, and it is a behavioral disorder, and is not something that can be tested by blood draws or an MRI. Typical Autistic behavior consists of lack of normal communication, fixation on certain things or behavior, for example children that do only thing all the time, such as stacking blocks or arranging things in a row. At about one year old, my daughter would not look either my wife or I in the eye, nor would she speak in any real words, but she was drawn to the sight of bright lights, and would obsessively align objects in an orderly fashion. She was walking well before one year old. These strange behaviors lead us to getting her diagnosed.

Now at the age of three years old, my daughter can speak at the level of a one year old. Even without professionals evaluating her, this is apparent when she is around other children just younger or just older than her. Children around the same age as her will ask me, "Why doesn't she talk?" I don't know what to say to that, other than to tell a white lie that "she is shy." And truthfully, had we not got the diagnosis as early as we did, we would not have been able to get her the early intervention therapy that we have. So when I say that she talks at the level of a one year at three years old, I tremble to think what might have been should she not have received 18 months of intensive therapy. And yet, my daughter is not stupid nor is she retarded. This is an interesting and frustrating part of Autism. On the one hand, she will not communicate much at all. And yet both my wife and I know that she understands most if not all of what we tell her. It's as if the Autistic child is in their own world that we just can't penetrate. She hears and understands everything, but we just can't break through that shell.

Nothing gives me a bigger belly laugh while at the same time a little bit of envy as when a parent of a normal child complains of the "terrible twos." The age of two is when children begin to develop their displeasure of not being able to control their emotions. In the case of an Autistic child, as they are not able to communicate with other people even at an early age, their frustrations are infinitely more than those of normal children. It is a frightening and heartbreaking sight to see your two year old child repeatedly and intentionally ramming her head into a concrete wall because you did not understand what she was trying to tell you in her gibberish language. And I don't even think of letting her walk through the grocery store parking lot, she will run away because she still has no concept of danger. Since you can't effectively talk to her, you can't instruct her to hold your hand and expect it to happen. You learn to park your car next to the grocery cart stack in the parking lot and put her in a cart as soon as you get out of the car. You unload your groceries and then take the cart back to the stack and then carry her to your car. And it's a sad thing when she's sick but can't tell you why and the Dr asks: "Does she complain of throat pain?"

To be a parent of an Autistic child, you are forced to get out of your comfort zone. In all honesty, you won't be allowed to have one anymore. In public, your child will embarrass you in ways that other parents will never understand. Autism will stress you to your last straw, it will break down your defenses and your will, but should you be parent of one, never will you love your child any less for being what what she is, your perfect child. And to fate, the dealer of this hand to my daughter and family, I raise you all in.

RKL

How to end Racism in America Part 2

A couple of years ago with some trepidation and a little bit of anger I wrote a post titled "How to end Racism in America". To my surprise, this has been the most read post of my blog, although in my opinion it is not anywhere near the best writing I have done. And so with recent events in mind, I'm writing another post considering the same topic.

Of recent news, I would like to speak of Herman Cain. In my writing, I make no attempt to hide that my political views are very conservative. But in the case of Mr. Cain, I will admit to ignorance on his political platform, partly because I'm Texan and at this early point in the next Presidential election campaign I favor my current governor, and partly because with the recent addition of a new son to our family, I've been otherwise occupied. But the rise of Mr. Cain's popularity amongst Conservatives is certainly worth noting, and the media's outlook towards him speaks volumes on the United States of America, or at least how it portrayed by the mainstream media.

The first question that I would like to consider about influential African American politicians in the United States is who are the ones with the most media clout? And the second question I would like to consider is: why? For the sake of this discussion, let's take Obama out of the equation for the time being. In regards to the first question, the names that come to my mind are Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. I'm sure there are many many others, but all seem to be cut in the same mold, that is: my people, listen to me and vote Democrat infinitely.

And so when a conservative black man such as Herman Cain steps into the political arena what is the establishment to do? A black man that is conservative? Here is the thought process of the liberal political class which by the way is probably 99% white: Well then he's just not one of us. We must destroy him. Find something on this guy, if we have to, we'll "Anita Hill" him. And so they being the liberal establishment have "Anita Hill'ed" him. Time will tell to see if that strategy works or not. Contrast this current witch hunt with how Bill Clinton got such a pass by the media for all the non "womanizing" he did.

My closing point is simple. If Racism is to end in America, people of all races should stop looking at race as a defining point in their political ideology. To do otherwise is to be no better than Nazis or Black Panthers, both of which are evil. And yet what political party plays on racial differences? That party is the Democrats, who whether promising amnesty for Illegal aliens from Mexico, or who are also promising endless "benefits" and possible slave reparations for blacks. How long must these false promises be made before other options are considered? Political promises that imply benefits to a specific class of people are by definition nothing more than reelection guarantees and nothing could be more anti-American in principle. The United States of American was and is still the greatest country in the annuls of history due to the basis of which it was founded, FREEDOM. If we continue to allow that freedom to erode by choosing racial politics and short term favors over the founding principle that all men are created equal, then we will all truly deserve what we get, that is the suffering that those who founded the United States strove to be rid of.

RKL

Tyrants and Tyrants

From day one of the Libyan operation, I kept thinking, "Why are Americans getting involved in this?" The recent events have not convinced me of an acceptable answer. In the beginning, the President of the United States seemed utterly obsessed with overthrowing the Libyan government, specifically the removal of it's leader, Muammar Gaddafi. I confess to not following Libyan politics for the last twenty plus years, but I will concede that Gaddafi was a tyrant and most certainly a thorn in the side of the USA since Reagan's time and before. But since when has the US been a tyrant eliminator when the safety or interests of the United States are not at stake? Who suggested that Libya threatened the United States in such a manner that immediate regime change is required by the force of our military might?

As much undeserved heat as the Bush administration took over every silly minute detail that happened with the Iraq and Afganistan wars, the Obama administration has recieved a free pass when it comes to this Libyan "expedition". There was a push to force Obama to do the right thing, that is to get Congressional approval for a war as is required by the Constitution. That simply died off because the administration claimed that we are just shooting rockets and not putting boots on the ground. To debate these details is not the point of this post, but rather I would like to discuss some simple thoughts on the matter.

When Saddam Hussein was captured, he was hiding in a somewhat similar manner as Gaddafi. Both men who were certainly tyrants were reduced to hiding like animals in a dark hole. There is some karma in that I suppose if you believe in such things. But after of these men is where the similarities end. Hussein was tried, convicted, sentenced, and executed by his countrymen. Debating the fairness of that could take thousands of lines of text, but that Gaddafi was shot dead without a trial is another thing altogether. Normally a tyrant being shot by a rebel would concern me in no way, but the United States was involved in this. I confess that in my entire life, I have never felt that being an American was dirty until yesterday.

RKL

On Autism and Altruism

My daughter Kaitlyn was born November 5, 2008, which was due to my political leaning, an ominous date. She was and continues to be from the beginning of her life to the present day the most beautiful creature I have ever encountered. But early on my wife and I noticed some things that seemed at the time unusual, but we did not know why nor did we expect and long term problems. That we now chock up to ignorance.

When my daughter was a baby, she was fascinated by lights. She would stare at a light source but not respond to her mother or anyone else. As she approached one year old, she started to speak, but only in a form of gibberish. She was walking by about nine months, so following typical parental foolishness, we assumed that by doing physical things sooner than beginning to speak, this was just a type of inversion of the natural order of things. We soon were to learn how wrong we were.

When by the age of one and a half years, my daughter had still not said her first real word, including mommy or daddy my wife and I became suspicious of some sort of problem. Sure she was walking and running and doing many physical things, but could she be retarded? After my wife had a chance discussion with a chiropractor who has an Autistic son, we decided to have her evaluated by a child behavior specialist (one of only three in the Dallas / Fort Worth area). After observing her and giving her behavioral tests, this Dr confirmed our worst fears, our daughter has "Mild Classic Autism".

I should mention that prior to the official diagnosis, my wife told me about her conversation with the chiropractor. I in my overestimation of my actual knowledge of the world dismissed the possibility of my daughter having Autism. My only previous experience of Autism was of Dustin Hoffman's character in "Rain Man" so I did what any modern parent would do, I scoured the vast reaches of the internet to learn more. And when I read about the tendencies of Autistic kids, it became very clear to me that most likely my daughter did have Autism. All of the signals were there. Autistic children don't communicate well, check. Autistic children fixate on objects, check check. Autistic children won't look people in the eye, check check check. Autistic children love order in things, meaning that they stack or arrange objects in an ordered fashion, checkmate.

So after such a diagnosis what were we to do? This was a great weight upon our shoulders, one that caused great soul searching individually among my wife and I and an issue that greatly impacted our marriage. Fortunately I love my wife dearly and she feels the same for me. We recognized that raising our daughter is our greatest responsibility of our lives: the truth is that it matters little whether she is perfect, normal, retarded, paraplegic, autistic, or anything else. She is what she is, and we will love her regardless. Autistic children are in my experience the probably the most beautiful children of all. I attribute that to their prolonged innocence, and their hidden genius which shows itself at unusual times.

On the use of the word genius, there are some interesting considerations on that. While even at nearly three years old, my daughter cannot speak at the level of her peers, she could count to one hundred at one year old, and she also knew the complete alphabet by that time. While those milestones don't make me suggest my daughter is a genius, it is difficult to know because she can't communicate well enough to where one would know for sure. But there are indications here and there that make you think as a parent, wow this is a really smart child, even more than I would expect. In a few years maybe we'll know for sure, my point is that I'm convinced that while her condition may limit her communication, at this point, I see no bounds on her intelligence.

As parents, my wife and I had to ponder the question, with such a challenging situation, what are we to do? Well the answer turned out to be simple, we will do as any other parent would do, we will do the best that we can for our children. In our case, we learned that the state of Texas has a government sponsored program called "Early Childhood Intervention" or ECI that provides multiple therapies for Autistic children and other types of childhood mental disabilities. The ECI program provides speech therapy, occupational therapy (meaning learning how to do physical things), behavioral therapy, as well as other therapies which roll up into a great curriculum for Autistic children. All told we have had more than five therapists working with our daughter, provided by a state program free of charge. In nearly a year since we started with the program, the results have been astounding, my daughter speaks at a much higher level, she has a better understanding of her surroundings, she now makes eye contact, and if all goes well, she may be able to attend a normal school when the time comes. This remains to be seen.

As a conservative I must admit I was concerned with taking this state "charity" when we first started. By no means rich, I do well, and my family does not want for much. Even so, if we had to pay the people of ECI the rates that their education and experience require, it would surely put us out of house and home. But I would do it if I had to. Therein lies my conundrum and the source of some considerable guilt on my part. I won't say that this life experience has altered my stance in the government's role in providing such benefits, that would imply that I either previously had no heart, or had not considered such things. Both of those possibilities are incorrect, because I'm anything if heartless, and I've put plenty of thought into what the government should and should not do. While my guilt cannot be fully assuaged because I would like to say that I pay in full for the services that I accept, I also know that in my thirteen plus years since graduating college, I have paid hundreds of thousands of dollars in state and federal taxes. For this forced confiscation of my income, I consider the payment for the services my daughter receives paid in full. I take solace in the knowledge that I will give far more than I ever will take. Similarly, I realized very early on that in raising my daughter, she will teach me far more than I will ever teach her.

RKL

The Government and the Governed

Conduct any study you like of any time period of history considering any form of government, and no doubt you will find that there is always a tremendous amount of error and waste of the industry and wealth of the governed by those who govern. The magnitude of the waste depends on many factors, such as the circumstances of the times, the people in positions of leadership, and the structural construction, constraints, and limits of the government in question. In the current situation of the United States and much of the Western World in general, the governments in power have run an unsustainable course that puts their citizens in great danger pending future outcomes based upon the fiscal policies of those governments. For most of the working Western world, did we work any less harder before and during this crisis? Did the working man and woman do any less or make the mistakes that caused this financial mess? One could argue that the financial policies of our times and the issues that have arisen from those policies are products unforseen economic effects and that the politicians who advanced those policies are victims of circumstance. That argument in my view would be extremely naive, or at best foolish, if not outright ridiculous and idiotic.

And so if one agrees that the government has enacted policies that have caused the decline of the economies of the world, the logical question is, "Why were they allowed to do so, and what limits should they be held to in the future to prevent such events?" In the case of the United States, the answer to this question is simple. The government of the United States is constrained by the US Constitution. And yet if one takes a critical look at the recent actions taken by our government and compares those actions to what is allowed by the Constitution, there is no doubt that government is taking a role and expanding it's power in ways it was never designed to do. The United States became what it is based upon many factors, but the one factor most overlooked in modern times is the perfection of the Balance and Limits proscribed by our Constitution. For our leaders to ignore or to sidestep those Limits set forth by the Constitution puts "We the People" at great peril to our just deserts, for by allowing such actions to occur by ignorance, or by apathy, or political polarization, we advance the predicaments that governments are by their nature inclined to present. The rights of man are not provided by the government, but instead, the government is instituted to protect the rights of man, and when we lose sight of this, we risk losing everything.

RKL

Regulations

When you hear liberals or statists discussing anything to do with policy and law, they always chime out the word regulation. Whenever something bad happens in their view it's because enough regulations were not in place. The Enron collapse, not enough regulations. The BP oil spill, not enough regulations. The shooting at Virginia Tech, not enough regulations. The stock market collapse, not enough regulations. What an easy peg to hang one's hat on, if only reality were so simple.

And yet despite the left's constant heaping of regulations to all forms of human activities, the negative effects of regulations are never discussed by leftists. If you ever watch programs on the MSM such as Dateline or similar, you will hear sad stories of how someone died because the "Red Tape" of something didn't allow them to get the something that would have saved them. Definition: "Red Tape" equals Regulations. My point is not to say that there should be no regulations of any sort, rather that carefully crafted regulations should be in place where needed, and the consequences of those regulations should be studied before they are ever put into place. Calling for regulations just because there is a problem of some sort is simple minded. Perhaps the regulations already in place created the problem, perhaps criminals don't care about regulations, perhaps the regulations proposed will make the problem ten times worse.

To show what I think are good regulations, I think that it is good that there is a standardized household electrical plug prong for all of our electrical devices. I that it is good that there are safety requirements for new cars. I think that it is good that there are certain requirements for the food that we buy. I could go on and on. But I don't think that it is good to force regulations on businesses just to say they are regulated. The minimum wage law is a good example. You can read in just about any newspaper how the teen summer job market is in the worst shape it has been in years, that is a result of the minimum wage law or regulation. The mortgage crisis was in part caused by regulations on banks to lower their lending standards. That brought our entire economy down. To those who say regulations, regulations, we have to point out the truth, regulations can be good and bad, and they can have far reaching consequences.

RKL

The Loss of Integrity

I had a hilarious discussion during a smoke break with some of my coworkers yesterday (Yes I do smoke and yes I am considering quiting). The topic of customer service and contractor nightmares came up. It was a free for all conversation between five of us that lasted about thirty minutes and three cigarettes. I related some of my stories that I've described here and here and listened to some other great ones that my fellow coworkers have experienced. After the Kirby vacuum sales pitch and several other nightmares had garnered their laughs, one comment stuck with me because it is so inherently true.

But before I get to that, I should note that I had a very bad experience with a roofing company a few years ago on a rental house that I own. Long story short, that experience left such a bitter taste in my mouth that I wanted to kill roofers on sight. Last year we had some terrible hail storms here in Texas and the roof for my home needed replacement. Insurance wrote me a check but I kept putting off selecting a contractor due to the bad experience that was still on my mind. Given the economy, almost weekly for the last year we have had roofers (who could see the damage from the street) hitting us up to let them replace our roof. In several cases I was quite rude to these people and one man made the mistake of walking around our house looking at the roof at sunset. He'll never know how close he came to seeing a gun pointed at him when I told him to get off my property. But recently my wife found out that one of our neighbors owns a roofing company (Wives have a great ability to find a solution when their husband is being obstinate -- or more appropriately in this case, a jerk). He came by and gave us a great quote so we signed the contract. Today my roof was completed and the work done was excellent. What more could you ask for: great work, no hassle, and a great price?

And so now back to the comment my coworker made. First I should note that this man is a mid forty-ish high school grad who works in our factory. But what impresses me about him is that he has the old stile southern wisdom that seems to be lacking in the current generation. A person does not need to be college educated to be wise, as wisdom comes with experience and the careful observation of the world that one lives in. His comment was simple, which in itself is a characteristic of wisdom. Paraphrased be me, he said that isn't sad that nowadays when you try to obtain a service whether it be a roof replacement, support for a computer problem, warranty work on car, installation of Internet, or any other need that you may request, that customer service has degraded to point of trying to get you to give up when you have been wronged? In so many ways this is true, I can attest to it personally in the dealings I have had with "customer service". Is it not a sign of the times that corporations look at customer service as something that should be outsourced to India for cost savings? Is it not a sign of the times that one should have to press 20 button options before speaking to a human? Is it not true that entire "customer service" business plans are designed to make you give up? These things trouble me, and I hope that businesses wake up to the errors of their ways, but you won't find me holding my breath, it is what it is, as they say.

RKL